Jokes Bucket

A man walks into a bar on
the top floor of a
skyscraper. He sits down and orders a beer. After
taking a drink he sees
the guy next to him go over to the window
and jump out!
“Holy cow! Did you see that!? That guy just jumped out
the window!”

The bartender does nothing.

So the man
takes another sip. A minute later the same guy walks in,
orders
another drink, chugs it, and jumps out the window again.

“Jesus! He
just jumped again!”

The bartender ignores the man.

So
the man sits puzzled. The guy comes back into the bar, and orders

another drink.

“How did you survive that jump?”..”I ordered a
floatie drink, if you
drink it in a certain amount of time, you can
float.”

So the guy quickly orders a ‘floatie’ drink. He takes it
from the
bartender, and chugs it. He then jumps out the window
and…SPLAT! Right
on the sidewalk!

The Bartender then say
s, “You know, Superman…you can be a real jerk
when you’re
drunk.”

A cop is staking out a bar
for drunk
drivers. At closing time, he sees a guy stumble out of the
bar, trip on
the curb, and fumble for his keys for five minutes.

When he finally gets in, it takes him another five minutes to get the

key in the ignition. Meanwhile, everybody else leaves the bar and
drives
off.

When he finally pulls away, the cop is waiting
for him, pulls him over,
and gives him a Breathalyzer test. The test
shows he has a blood
alcohol level of 0.0.

The cop says,
‘How is this possible?’ The guy says,’Tonight I’m the
designated
decoy.’

A Texan walks
into a pub
in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He
says,
“I hear you Irish are a bunch of hard drinkers. I’ll give $500

American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness

back-to-back.”

The room is quiet and no one takes up the
Texan’s offer. One man even
leaves. Thirty minutes later the same
gentleman who left shows back up
and taps the Texan on the shoulder. “Is
your bet still good?”, asks
the Irishman.

The Texan says
yes and asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of
Guinness.
Immediately the Irishman tears into all 10 of the pint glasses
drinking them
all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan
sits in
amazement.

The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and says, “If
ya don’t mind me
askin’, where did you go for that 30 minutes you
were gone?”.

The Irishman replies, “Oh…I had to go to
the pub down the street to
see if I could do it first”.

Sign seen in a bar:

“Those drinking to forget please pay in advance.”

A man in a bar
sees a
friend at a table, drinking by himself.
Approaching the friend he
comments, “You look terrible. What’s the
problem?”

“My mother
died in June,” he said, “and left me $10,000.”

“Gee, that’s
tough,” he replied.

“Then in July,” the friend continued, “My
father died, leaving me
$50,000.”

“Wow. Two parents gone in
two months. No wonder you’re depressed.”

“And last month my aunt
died, and left me $15,000.”

“Three close family members lost in
three months? How sad.”

“Then this month,” continued, the
friend, “nothing!”