Jokes Bucket

Why do cemeteries have fences around

them?
Because people are dying to get in.

A man was sitting in the electric

chair. The executioner said, “Look, I’m sorry but I’m going to have to

throw the switch in a minute.”
The man said, “Do me a favor and
throw it out the window!”

Question: What
did the dead raccoon
say in his will?
Answer: “Leave it to Beaver.”

Phoning the florist to order some

flowers for her lover’s funeral, woman was caught off guard when asked

what message she wanted on the card. “Message?” she sputtered.

“Well, I guess, ‘You will be missed.”‘ Visiting the funeral home, she
was
pleased that her floral tribute had arrived but mortified that
the card
had her exact words: “I guess you will be missed.”

This elderly Newfoundland
fisherman
is on his deathbed and summons his 3 sons to his bedside. “Well

boys, the time is near, and when I pass I’d like to be buried at

sea.” So the boys agreed. A few days after his passing, the local front

page read, “Local Fishermen Were Shocked Today When Their Nets Brought
in
Patrick McRay in a Coffin, 3 Shovels and the Bodies of His Three

Sons… Funeral arrangements haven’t yet been made, however, it is
believed
all wished to be buried at sea.”

« Older Entries