Jokes Bucket

Q:
What’s the highest position in the
Greek Navy?
A: Rear Admiral!

The Englishman’s, Irishman’s and Scotsman’s

wives go shopping one day to a big department store. While they are

there a fire breaks out. Everyone in the store is killed, including
the
three women. Their husbands are summoned to the local police
station where
a policewoman breaks the news to them: “I’m afraid
sirs, that we
believe your wives were killed in the fire at the
department store. However
the fire was so intense we cannot identify the
bodies. Only their
handbags survived the blaze. Can you identify
your wives’ handbags from
these three found in the store?”

The three men all look at the handbags and each one is able to identify

one of the handbags as belonging to his wife. With all handbags

accounted for the policewoman leaves the men to deal with their grief
in
peace. The three men sit in silence for a while, then the
Englishman opens
his wife’s handbag and rummages through the conte
nts, finally pulling
out a half-empty packet of cigarettes and
says “All these years married
and I never knew the old girl smoked.”

The Scotsman looks into his wife’s handbag and pulls out a
half-empty
bottle of scotch. “Jings, I knew her all that time an ah
didnae ken ma
missus drank.”

The Irishman empties his wife’s
handbag onto the floor, looks through
the contents and picks up a
half empty packet of condoms. “‘Saints
preserve us! All dese years
an oi never knew me wife was a man.”

Q:
What would you call an Arab who owns a
harem of cows?
A: A milk sheik!

One night, God spoke to a preacher to tell him
what he
wanted him to do.

After God had briefed him on his
mission, the minister decided to ask
him a question.

“God,”
he said, “What is heaven like?”

God replied, “Well, normally I
don’t tell people this, but since you
are my servant, I guess I
can tell you. Heaven will be like a city. It
will have the best of
everything. For example, the French will be the
chefs; the Italians
will be the lovers; the English will be the
policeman; the Germans
will be the mechanics; and the Dutch will be the
politicians!”

The man looked pleased. “What is hell like?” he
asked.

“Well,” he said with a sigh, “the French will be the mechanics; the

Italians will be the politicians; the English will be the chefs; the

Germans will be the policemen; and the Dutch will be the lovers.”

Q: Where is the world’s
fastest chicken
from?
A: Ethiopia!

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