Jokes Bucket

A prince had a curse put on him when he was a little boy. He could only speak two words every year. But, if he didn’t speak for a whole year, he would then be able to speak 4 words the next year and so on.

One day he met a princess named Josie and he wanted to say “My Princess”.

The next year he saw her he wanted to say “My princess, i love you”.

The third year he saw her he wanted to say “My princess I love you, will you marry me?” But, the young prince, now growing older knew he would have to wait a couple more years.

So, on the fifth year, excited to finally present his question, he visited the princess.

He approached her respectfully and asked, “JOSIE, MY PRINCESS, I LOVE YOU. WILL YOU MARRY ME?”

And the princess said, “Pardon?”

A photographer for a national news magazine was assigned to get photos of a big forest fire. Smoke at the scene was too thick to get any good shots, so he frantically called his home office to hire a plane.

“It will be waiting for you at the airport!” he was assured by his editor.

As soon as he got to the small, rural airport, sure enough, a plane was warming up near the runway. He jumped in with his equipment and yelled, “Let’s go! Let’s go!” The pilot swung the plane into the wind and soon they were in the air. “Fly over the north side of the fire,” said the photographer, “and make three or four low level passes.”

“Why?” asked the pilot.

“Because I’m going to take pictures! I’m a photographer, and photographers take pictures!” said the photographer with great exasperation and impatience.

After a long pause the pilot said, “You mean you’re not my instructor?”.

1. Avoid alliteration. Always.

2. Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.

3. Employ the vernacular.

4. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

5. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.

1. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

2. Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.

3. Be more or less specific.

4. Understatement is always best.

5. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

6. Remember to never split an infinitive.

7. Contractions aren’t necessary.

8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

9. One should never generalize.

10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”

1. Comparisons are as bad as cliches.

2. Don’t be redundant; don’t use more words than necessary; it’s highly superfluous.

3. Be more or less specific.

4. Understatement is always best.

5. One-word sentences? Eliminate.

6. Remember to never split an infinitive.

7. Contractions aren’t necessary.

8. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos.

9. One should never generalize.

10. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “I hate quotations. Tell me what you know.”

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