Jokes Bucket

There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun
contest. He sent in ten
different puns, in the hope that at least
one of the puns would win.
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

The world’s most incredibly lazy man found

a magic lamp. He rubbed it and a genie appeared and granted him three

wishes. He wished for a horse, a sumo wrestler and a squirrel.

“They’re yours, but what are they for?” the genie asked.
“I’m tired
of walking everywhere–I want to just ride the horse. The
sumo
wrestler is so that I won’t have to work to get on the horse.”
“But the
squirrel?” asked the genie.
“I need something to go ‘click-click’
to start the
horse!!!”

The strong young man at the construction site

was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He
made a
special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After
several
minutes, the older worker had had enough. “Why don’t you
put your
money where your mouth is,” he said. “I will bet a week’s
wages that I
can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that
outbuilding that you
won’t be able to wheel back.” “You’re on, old
man,” the braggart
replied. “Let’s see what you got.” The old man
reached out and grabbed
the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding
to the young man, he
said, “All right. Get in.”

Q: Why did the
scientist install a knocker
on his door? A: To win the no-bell
prize.

Q: How many
existentialists does it take to
screw in a light bulb? A: Two: One to screw
it in and one to
observe how the light bulb itself symbolizes a single
incandescent beacon
of subjective reality in a netherworld of endless
absurdity
reaching out toward a cosmos of nothingness.

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