Jokes Bucket

A psychologist is at
a party talking
with a small group of people, when a man comes up
behind him and
taps him on the shoulder. The psychologist turns around and
the man
hauls off and decks him. The psychologist gets up, brushes
himself
off, turns to the group and declares: “That’s his
problem.”

A young woman
took her troubles to a
psychiatrist. “Doctor, you must help me,” she
pleaded. “It’s
gotten so that every time I date a nice guy, I end up in
bed with him.
And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a

week.”

“I see,” nodded the psychiatrist. “And you, no doubt, want me to

strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter.”

“For
God’s sake, NO!” exclaimed the woman. “I want you to fix it so
I won’t
feel guilty and depressed afterward.”

Patient: I’m really depressed.

Therapist: I see. Yes. You are depressed.
Patient: Nothing is going
well.
Therapist: Nothing well.
Patient: I feel like killing
myself.
T: You’re thinking of killing yourself.
P: Yes, I’m going
to do it NOW.
T: You want to do it now.
P: [Jumps out window.]

T: Woosh. Splat.

When they arrived at the therapist’s
office, the
therapist jumped right in and opened the floor for
discussion. “What seems
to be the problem?” Immediately, the husband held
his long face down
without anything to say. On the other hand, the
wife began talking 90
miles and hour describing all the wrongs
within their marriage.

After 5 - - 10 - - 15 minutes of listening
to the wife, the therapist
went over to her, picked her up by her
shoulders, kissed her
passionately for several minutes, and sat her
back down. Afterwards, the wife sat
there - speechless.

He
looked over at the husband who was staring in disbelief at what had

happened. The therapist spoke to the husband, “Your wife NEEDS that at

least twice a week!”

The husband scratched his head and
replied, “I can have her here on
Tuesdays and Thursdays.”

How many psychologists does
it take
to change a light bulb?
None. The light bulb will change itself when
it’s ready.

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