Jokes Bucket

One day a lady was driving on the
Highway.
She frequently checked her speed gauge to make sure she stayed

within the speed limit. However, when she looked into her rear mirror,

much to her dismay, she saw a police car not far behind! And, to make

matters worse, the police car turned on his flashing lights. She
thought
to herself, “Uh-oh, what have I done now? I’m not speeding.
I’m not
drinking. I have my seat belt on! I have kept up my license
dues and
everything!”

So, she pulled over and the police car
pulled over to the side right
behind her car. She drove her car
slowly to a stop, slowly rolled down
the window, and prepared for a
ticket when she knew she didn’t deserve
it. A policeman walked up to
her window, and spoke to her. The lady
pointed to her ear and shook
her head, meaning she was deaf. The policeman
smiled slightly, and
knowing sign language, signed back, “I know. I’m
here to
tell you that your horn is stuck.”

n elderly lady was well-known for her faith

and for her boldness in talking about it. She would stand on her
front
porch and shout “PRAISE THE LORD!”

Next door to her lived
an atheist who would get so angry at her
proclamations he would
shout, “There ain’t no Lord!!”

Hard times set in on the elderly
lady, and she prayed for GOD to send
her some assistance. She stood
on her porch and shouted “PRAISE THE
LORD. GOD I NEED FOOD!! I AM
HAVING A HARD TIME. PLEASE LORD, SEND ME SOME
GROCERIES!!”

The
next morning the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag

of groceries and shouted, “PRAISE THE LORD.”

The neighbor jumped
from behind a bush and said, “Aha! I told you
there was no Lord. I
bought those groceries, God didn’t.”

The lady started jumping
up and down and clapping her hands and said,
“PRAISE THE LORD. He
not only sent me groceries, but He made the devil
pay for them.
Praise the Lord!”

A little old lady walked into the bank, cashed

a small check, and started
out. Passing the armed guard, she
smiled and said, “You can go home
now.”

How do you get four old ladies to say the F
word?

Have the fifth one say…. BINGO!

“What’s wrong, sonny?”
asked the old
timer sympathetically, coming over
to the little kid who was sitting on
the curb, crying his heart out.
“I’m crying ’cause I can’t do
what the big boys do!” So the old
man sat
down and wept too.

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