Jokes Bucket

“I’ll have to report you, sir,” said the
traffic cop
to the speeding driver. “You were doing 85 miles an hour.”
“Nonsense,
officer,” declared the driver. “I’ve only been in the
car for ten
minutes.”

A police officer, though scheduled for

all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home
four
hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to
wake his
wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and
started to
climb into bed. Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and
said, “Mike,
dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store
on the next block
and get me some aspirin? I’ve got a splitting
headache.”
“Certainly, honey,” he said, and feeling his way across
the dark
room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.

As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, “Say,” said
the
druggist, “I know you - aren’t you a policeman? Officer Fenwick,

right?”

“Yeah, so?” said the officer.

“Well what
the heck are you doing all dressed up like the Fire
Chief?”

One evening this
Columbia Yuppie was
stopped for allegedly drunken driving and was given a
breath test by the
Howard County Police.

“Well ?” he asked somewhat belligerently
as the Desk Sergeant slowly
read the print out and entered the
information in the arrest record.

“Disappointing to say the least,”
the Sergeant replied. “Chateau
Duvalier… 1962… rather thin…
not aged well at all.”

How
many cops does it take to change light
bulb?
Just one, but he is never around when you need him.
Only
one, but he has to see an officer do it first.
Three, one to do it,
one to direct traffic and one to say “Show’s
over, nothing left to
see here, folks, move along.”

Police officer: And what do you think you

are doing on this road, Dracula?
Dracula: Looking for the main
artery, officer.

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